yo me again quick question from the groupie section. why the fuck do you have a long ass list of rage against the machine lyrics they are a rap/indie rock band i thought you hated rap whats up sammy v i dont get it. maybe your the groupie you punk ass bitch.

Live and Let Die,

yo you fake as bitch im the only real ass van halen mother fucker around the western new york area. if your the real fucking deal which i dont think you are lets set up a meeting. you think your cars are rockin come out and get blown away by my van halen corvette 700 horse baby rawwr. i am fucking challenging you to a axe duel. i will rock your face off. so if your the real deal prove it lets have a fuckin rock off. cause i think your just a groupie who likes to try to work it with young girls, come see my woman a real woman not just some mighty taco teenage worker. balls in your court groupie the challenge is on

Live and Let Die,

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA TAKE THE CAR OUT OF MY GARAGE AND PAY ME MY MONEY!!!

Live and Let Die,

heard your with the bloods ! makin moves for them is it true ? 716 buck buck east side!!!

Live and Let Die,

There's no room to pull donuts in your car anywhere that can be seen from the drive-thru window at Mighty Taco.

Live and Let Die,

Dude you have a great marketing gimmick

Come on bro, you already know that Rock and Roll aint no Gimmick. Live Free duder.
Live and Let Die,

Sammy, the economy is sucking the big one and I can't get work anywhere. Any chance you'd be having an internship for kids like me wanting to be big SVH's apprentice?

Aw, the economy is hit us all hard. Hard like my cock. Like my cock for your fucking mother. Get out your goddamn axe and lets rock brizzo.
Live and Let Die,

sammy im not from around here but i heard about you and you so like a nut job. whats good why do you do this. just curious peace brotha

whats your question big man? there are a few rules to this and the first is to fuckin rock. you have violated this, so join the goddamn groupies.
Live and Let Die,

This has to be none other than Stan Herowski

Wrong again brahski. None other than Big. Sammy. Van. Halen. back alive in this 2009. Brack O'bama LIVE! Octomom LIVE! Sammy LIVE!
Live and Let Die,

hey i have the brods....and tequila is for fags ya gotta drink the Jack.... how about a softtail harley for a better ride? think about it...its way sweeter then that butt pirate car the fire bird

Hey, FireBirds and Cabo Wabo ain't for everyone. All you gotta have is a sack full of nuts and some kinda dick, but lots of dudes with effeminate names aint got that.
Live and Let Die,

Where did you get your time machine and can I borrow it for a night? Kickstart my heart

If yer talkin about the FireBird, yeah that shit will take the babes 20 minutes into the future to the time that they are suckin on the johnson. Can't let you borrow it though bro, it's still mint.
Live and Let Die,

Shes dead..see ya around

Yo brah. You are bleedin all over my website. I didn't bring any tampons to this show. Sorry mang.
Live and Let Die,

have you ever seen a big ass corn bird?

I do know I saw your mother pickin the corn out of the shit you drop when I gun my engine. Tell her next time she needs to recycle dinner to come ask SVH for a handout. Maybe I won't give her any food, but I might let her scavenge my toilet for some gold.
Live and Let Die,

OH MAN!that was my answer to all of them even the shocker! now answer me this are you ready for a sidekick to get balls deep in bitches? and who drives a 81 yota? they should be fuck with our massive bloody boners of rage!

You're gonna need a better ride if you are gonna follow the Sam Dog around broham. Pick up a bottle of tequila, grab a few broads, then hit me up. I will pick out a ride for you. I already have some decals that I didn't use on my last ride.
Live and Let Die,

I love your style man don't let some these bastards get you down. Like Van Halen once said, Don't Stop Believing.... oh wait, that was Journey....
P.S. Remember Van Halen's Any Way You Want It? I LIVE by that code!

Summer's comin up Bro. Be on the lookout for the SVH cruisin down Pine lookin fine givin your girl the sign. Glad you're feelin the Big Sammy Love. Rock hard my brother.
Live and Let Die,

yo sammy how dose one become as radical as you are man and slay bitches asses with the cock of a thousand angry fists?!! also i would love to live as your side kick shredding to VH, RATT and other monsters! LIVE AND LET DIE

Brah, brah, briggity brah brah. Do you have what it takes to tour with the S-Man? Are you sure? You gotta ask yourself these questions before even considering sidekickhood.
Here's a little quiz:
What would you do if some Journey fan pulled up next to you in his 1981 Toyota gunning his "engine"?
The Van Halen jam "Right Now"... Poetic masterpiece or bullshit desperate attempt to bring SVH to the rescue?
Your mom called me this morning. Should I give her the shocker, or gently rub her winterbush for warmth while she mourns your 18th birthday and her expiration of child support checks?



If you answered "How the fuck am I supposed to drive 55" to any of these questions, you might stand a chance.
Live and Let Die,

do you wanna fuck my bloody ass with your raging blood boner?
xoxo,

After long consideration of your proposal, I have decided upon the most ultimate of decisions. I shall, indeed fuck your bloody ass with my raging bloody boner. It is my obligation, nay, my duty to do so under such circumstances. For, I am the very person who has bloodied your ass withest my raging guitar in the midst of our last tryst. For that, I owe you a simple dicking. Follow the sounds of the screaming solos in the sky to find me waiting to fulfill your greatest desires.
Live and Let Die,

Is being a hipocrit a part or Mr. West or Mr. Van-Halen? Just made it to your "103.3 Commercial" which was pretty much some paid prosititues waiting for your old crinkly hand to finish the two minute long autograph.. is this because you commonly forget your name due to an idenity crisis? But I'm getting away from the point here.. it's just so easy to trash the SVH. During said commercial, you stated that SVH doesn't use the internet.. or cell phone. So I'd just like to know what you'd call your current action, of reading this question. Hipocracy at it's finest. A man's only as good as his word.. enough said.

Yo, This time the bullet cold rocked ya A yellow ribbon instead of a swastika Nothin proper about ya propaganda Fools follow rules when the set commands ya Said it was blue When ya blood was red That's how ya got a bullet blasted through ya head Blasted through ya head Blasted through ya head I give a shout out to the living dead Who stood and watched as the feds cold centralised? So serene on the screen You was mesmerised Cellular phones soundin a death tone Corporations cold Turn ya to stone before ya realise They load the clip in omnicolour Said they pack the 9, they fire it at prime time The sleeping gas, every home was like alcatraz And mutha fuckas lost their minds Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high Yeah Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high Run it! (guitar solo) Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high Check-a, check-a, check it out They load the clip in omnicolour Said they pack the 9, they fire it at prime time The sleeping gas, every home was like alcatraz And mutha fuckas lost their minds No escape from the mass mind rape Play it again jack and then rewind the tape And then play it again and again and again Until ya mind is locked in Believin all the lies that they're tellin ya Buyin all the products that they're sellin ya They say jump and ya say how high Ya brain-dead Ya gotta fuckin bullet in ya head Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high Yeah Just victims of the in-house drive-by They say jump, you say how high Uggh! yeah! yea! Ya standin in line Believin the lies Ya bowin down to the flag Ya gotta bullet in ya head Ya standin in line Believin the lies Ya bowin down to the flag Ya gotta bullet in ya head A bullet in ya head (8 times, building to a shout) A bullet in ya head (7 times, shouted/screamed) Ya gotta bullet in ya fuckin head! Yeah! Yeah! (sustained to end of drum roll)
Live and Let Die,

Aren't people like yourself locked up in psych wards for reasons? Do you feel you'd be comfortable bouncing around a room, not just of padded walls.. but of padded walls with pictures of naked chicks on them, oh say.. until your sanity kicks in.. or you're old enough to retire.. whichever comes first? I think that'd be a pretty sweet reality check, how about yourself?

Yo, Sexual confusion can lead to all types of fear and anger. Maybe try coming out to your closest friend first. If that goes well, you can try for your parents (assuming they are cool with that sort of thing). After you get completely out of the closet, you will probably find yourself much more at peace.
Live and Let Die,

alot of times i go to frankies donuts to get a coffee i see tour car at the red light on portage rocking the fuck out. you should come up to the nacc and jam with us some night. drummer dan

Brah. Braaaahahhahhahhaaa....,of course you rock out when you see my fuckin car. Everybody does. Yeah dude, we can jam at NACC, but I ain't rockin with any of those art fags... unless they paint me thrashing my goddamn guitar. We better rock on the lawn, cause I don't think the old NFHS can handle too much of my thrash. Listen, you pick up some motherfucking doughnuts from frankies, ring them around my asshole, hand me my guitar and we'll see what happens.
Live and Let Die,

Haven't been hearin' much bout you round the Falls here where the hell you been? Anyways I got a quick Q. for ya SVH - lately I've been noticing kids today are just way into this rap garbage and as a rocker myself, am gettin pretty worried. These kids a lost cause or you got any advice on how to turn them around? I'm not ready to say that rock and roll is dead! Take it easy bra.
Thanks,

DudeHam, Much to the chagrin of David FLEA CLOTH, Big Samm is still rockin the fuck out. Me and Tommy Lee have been letting our huge cocks rest on your girl's kitchen table, so I haven't had much time to write lately. I see that the kids are getting restless, so I know I have to pull my rod off the table and bring it back to the people. Big Tomm taught me a thing or two about the rap crowd... and this is strictly between me and you Danny Boy: Us ultra-rockers have set up a campaign to bring the kids back to the arena. Some say Tommy Lee took it a bit far with the whole Mayham thing, but I respect him for fucking Pam. My advice: If the kids are listenin' to Sammy or Tommy, the kids are alright. If the kids are listenin' to NWA or Limp Bizkit, punch em in the face.
Live and Let Die,

how does one who listens to such good tunes become so gay?
Thanks,

I was doin you a favor by telling your lil' sister that, bro. Never fear... the Sam-man is still railing your girl among others (Including Trixy...Sup Trixie)
Live and Let Die,

Where can I get a sweet Corvette like yours ?????
Thanks,

Yo, there are lots of places you can get a sweet corvette. My boy Billy Fucillo can probably hook you up. Hold on, I gotta ROCK THE FUCK OUT













Ok, I'm back. What I was tryin to say was that you can get a sweet corvette pretty much anywhere, but a sweet one like mine? Ain't gonna happen. Sorry Bro.
Live and Let Die,

Here is the deal.. I am a young woman of 23. My boyfriend is 28. He never wants sex and i CRAVE it all the time! When you are done with me you better be ready to jump back in the saddle again. I am a huge Van Halen fan and i have tried to invision him as Sammy while he gives it to me. The fact is.. I am bored, he is a good guy but i need a lot more! I dont think he can do it. Is it right to break up because of sex? if so.. how do i tell him?
Thanks,

First question from a broad. Glad to hear it. You sound like you need a ride on the Sam-Mobile. I will take you for a spin, then maybe your dude (if thats what you wanna call it) will strive to satisfy his young plump chick. Gimme a call anytime, babe. I will be the one to spice up your situation, but don't expect Sammy to stick around.
Live and Let Die,

Hey Sammy, I know I ask alot of questions, but like I said I have alot of learning to do from the S man himself. So anyways, I was cruising down Military Rd the other day on m big wheel, and I came across some major hotties rollin down the avenue. They wanted to come back to Lar-dawgs place so I let em' hitch a ride. When we got back to my one bedroom suite, things got a little risque'. Than it turns out they were only 14, what would the Sam man do?
Thanks,

I'm starting to like you, little bro. You remind me of a young SVH. I appreciate your quandary. This is a day to day issue with big S. Article IV.69.69 of the Sammy Files states: Haveth grass on youth field, playeth ball. This is a legal matter, and you have been counseled.
Live and Let Die,

Sammy, I got a call the other night on my phone and I thought it was going to be the Same Old Sang and Dance, Aerosmith, but little did I know it was Lights, Camera, Action - Sammy Van Halen Live in the Tops Parking lot on Grand Island! I've got a proposal for you. We're trying to build a rally car, I can see you are not a Highway Star, that Subaru of yours is beggin for some dirt. So how about we run some SVH.com stickers on the car and you help us Run to the Hills. Our car has no tunes in it! Everything is stripped out of it, no radio, how am I going to Shout at the Devil or ring Hells Bells while rallying without them? Lets get on with some Freewheel Burning, Sammy Van Halen Sponsored rally car?
Thanks,

You're just tryin to hard, brother man. I like your effort though. See, the Samdog does whatever comes naturally. If he rides, he rides, if he shows he shows. No point in forcing the rock.
Live and Let Die,

Hay Sammy when are you gonna come vist the HUGE island again?
Thanks,

Bro, I cruise through there all the time. You simply haven't been paying attention. Look for the big Sam-Man blasting his rocks up at BK, Billy Fucillo's Joint, or even the carwash... that's where rockers go to shower.
Live and Let Die,

yo bro. iv been having a really hard time getting my dick up. Any suggestions?
Thanks,

Sounds like you need a new copy of Sammy's magazine "Rods and Stuff For Alternative Lyfestyles". It's by the fellas for the fellas if you catch my drift. Pick it up on Allen St in Buffalo.
Live and Let Die,

I look like Harry Potter and I only listen to Journey will I ever get laid?
Thanks,

Hey man, not everybody has look as hard and rock as loud as Sammy to get some Tang. There are plenty of ugly chicks out there that would love to roll 20 sided dice before getting some soft love. Be yourself duder, but maybe think again about that Journey bullshit.
Live and Let Die,

I am looking to have a Van Halen party in the Boston area. Are you available?
Thanks,

Sounds like you got a winning formula on your hands: Party + Van Halen + Boston = STONE COLD. Now Sammy, as a rule, doesn't commit to anything. Sammy might be there, Sammy might not. If at the party, you begin to feel your bones rattle, your face melt, and your hair stand on end, look out front. That'll be me.
Live and Let Die,

My bad with the drumsticks. I'm still a young rocker and my strings need a little bit of tuning up. Thats why I look up to you so much, and live and die by the SVH Bible that is this website. Please show me the way.
Your fellow rock desciple,

Don't sweat it, Bud. Sammy didn't mean to be so harsh in his response. I was just a bit on edge cause my new decals took so fucking long. Keep up the fight.
Live and Let Die,

check it out man. I sent it to your gmail.
Thanks,

Sammy never recieved anything. When emailing the S man, don't forget the 'west' at the end of the address.
Live and Let Die,

Sammy how can i get a picture of you with your autograph. You are one of my heros mine as well jump
Thanks,

Suicide is not always the answer. Instead of jumping, just try to find big Sam. A lot of times, I'm up at Mickey D's hittin on the ladies. Twenty bucks will satisfy my party bill for tonight and will get you exactly what you're lookin for. As far as heroes go, I can't say I'm your man. I just go through each day being myself. I'm no role model. Look to Steven Tyler for that shit. Don't forget though, SVH is on your side.
Live and Let Die,

I love when my girlfriend buys a few bigmacs and rubs them alllll over my sexy hairy body. But she gets mad when I ask her to because I get crusty dried up mac sauce all over her ass. what should i do, ask for extra mac sauce?
Thanks,

Listen bro, what kinda shit are you into into anyhow. Sammy don't want no special sauce up his ass, and neither should your girl. Your hairy ass body should be enough for the bitch. If that don't work, try Arby Sauce.
Live and Let Die,

Sammy, you are a god. The drumsticks really worked, until they told me I couldnt carry around ice cream cones at work. major bummer. I need a new lead. Rockin the fuck out.
Your fellow rock desciple,

listen, silly, you got it all wrong. Ice cream is never the answer. What you need transcends food and whatever else you've cooked up in your mind. I told you drumsticks, and you bring fucking ice cream to the table. I have barely enough time to deal with all the Sammy Wannabees as it is...let alone your misinterpreting ass. Get it straight, bro ham. Rock out with your cock out or don't do it at all.
Someday you'll learn,

Sammy. I make logos part time for big and small business. I would like to make you a logo for your web site. You can use it on business cards. Promote your events and even have it embeded on your autographed photos. Its your logo to do with as you please.I am willing to present a great deal to you for this logo. They usually start at 250 and up. I will do it for 100 dollars plus a plug on your site!
Thanks,

Yeah! Send it on over, bro! I will scratch back by giving you big ups on my bodacious site, and maybe a cruise in the new Vette.
Keep on Rockin,

Double dose of problems my man. I blaze my way through Grand Island everyday, and I don't want to slow my role for the toll any more. What do I do? Secondly, I have a date coming up with a special lady so therefore a scheduled appointment with Supercuts is in order. Are mullets a no-no? I don't mind losing the top, but I gotta keep the rock.
Thanks,

Nice Questions bro. For your Billy Goat Gruff problem, I feel you. I like to hit up the GI Tract occasionally myself as I find myself blasting my 4.21 JigaWatts up at the GI BK or near Huge Billy Fucillo's undersized Godzilla. I got your solution though. Find some chump who blasts Phil Collins and house his EZ Pass. That way, you can cruise through the Troll without the heat coming down on ya.
As far as your coiffer conundrum, any dame that can't handle the Bridge and Tunnel is no dame of yours. Never stop rockin, especially in the back.
Live and Let Die,

I just got an iPod and was rockin to some tunes. My women asked to borrow it, and now their is classical opera and teen pop on it. Anyway, I got it back and now it's not workin?! What should I do, and what's on your iPod?
Regards,

Dump the bitch. A broad can only go so far and messing with a man's tunes is crossing the line. Your next step is to raise some cash to get yourself a new player. A good idea might be to hold fundraiser like my successful "Cruise for the Cause" benefit of 1985 to gather loot for a much needed rimjob back in the day. Lastly, use your computer to hack into one of those web sites where they let you steal music for free. Then you'll be lock, stock and barrell.
Currently, my personal playlist is rocking many of the classics: Led Zep, AC lightning bolt DC, Aerosmith's heavy stuff, and some new shit like Alice in Chains, Orange 9MM, and the White Zombie.
Live and Let Die,

sammy, whenever i get next to my chick, and things start to get hot and heavy, i find my self stuttering. like my girl will say, hey hon, do you want a coke, and i will say, "haba da haba da haba, what?" what should i do?
Thanks,

Try this: When talking to your babe, stare her straight in the eye while sharpening your bowie knife. Act like the knife is not even there and just be yourself. This will shift the power in your direction and your sense of self esteem will raise the roof.
Live and Let Die,

where do you go to get tested for your STDs?
Thanks bra,

The only STD I have is Sammy's Thick Dong and the only doctor I know is Dr. Feelgood. Stop trying to bring Sammy down with your fears of good times.
Live and Let Die,

There is this weird green gooky stuff coming out of my drinking faucet. What should I do? Continue to drink the water?
Thanks,

Try it. It may end up getting you lifted. Old Sammy knows a thing or two about partyin', but he's always on the lookout for new ways to get closer to his own personal Jesus. Let me know how it turns out... if it works, be a bud and send me a few CC's.
Live and Let Die,

I have a major problemo. There are quite the number of bodascious babes at my work, that are hungry for some major rockin out. ( if you catch my drift) How do I get their attention, without ruining my job rep? Send me some megabytes back in a flash.
Your fellow rock disciple,

You know what works for me? Jerseys. Lots and lots of jerseys. I pimp 'em, autograph 'em, and gift 'em to the ladies. Now I'm not tellin you to run out to All Pro and stock up like the Sam Man. You can't be coppin my style. Everybody's gotta come up with their own shit. Maybe you could be the dude who always has a pair of drumsticks. That would rock.
Live and Let Die,

I have a delima, I am 5'11" and 270 pounds. My boyfriend is 5'3" and 115 pounds. He says he feels nervous when we have sex and I want to be on top. How do I convince him I won't crush him?
Thanks,

Listen, girl: If he were a real man, he would welcome your extra fluff. Big Sammy's got a chart on his wall detailing his biggest achievements. More cushion for the pushin'. Know what I'm sayin? More plump for the hump. You hear me? More fat for my bat. You pickin up what I'm puttin down?
Live and Let Die,

I'm kind of a nerd. I don't really know how to talk to chicks. I get nervous when a hot one is around. I kinda like my friend's mom. But I'm pretty good friends with him. She's a crazy MILF. How can I get with her without my buddy or her husband getting mad.
Thanks,

There is only way to do this. I know you are too young to fall in love. Consider your friend's feelings. Maybe ask him. Would it be cool to wax him mom? Talk to the husband. See what he has to say. If all parties are OK with it, go for it!!!! You just might get lucky. Take a shot. Shoot for the stars, Jimmy.
Live and Let Die,

I was cruisin the other day and my motor blew when I stepped up to a Mustang. I need to rock the babes up on Military. What should I do about my ride?
Thanks,

Take your beer cans back to Wegmans and rent a ride. You gotta do what needs to be done in order to rock the babes. Once you get your ride back blazin, take that Mustang out motherfucker. Play for pinks.
Live and Let Die,

I'm only 18, but I wanna party like Big Sammy does...Day and Night! How can I get my hands on some brew?
Thanks,

Listen, little dude: NOBODY can party like Sammy. Never forget that. But if you are in need of some brews, slip me a 20 next time you see me up at Sunoco. Money talks, bro.
Live and Let Die,

I just fucked a girl that I met at a bar. I am sitting here in bed with her and she has her arm around me. I'm not sure how to get away from her. Can you help me??????
Thanks,